Vic Socotra

21 October 2008

Letters to the Editor

I take my editorial responsibilities seriously, like a single malt Scotch, neat.

Accordingly, I was hard at it long before dawn, compiling the Winter Edition of the Daily Bugle, the flagship publication of a professional organization of current and former Secret Squirrels.

It is a delicate business. We tend to be a very circumspect bunch of people. You would hardly want to stand out in the in the crowd, particularly if you were monitoring the rest of them, and while we tended not to operate directly in denied areas, we were directly responsible for supporting them. The special weapons and activities were just the special sauce on a simmering cauldron of excitement.

Not that there was not a lot of humor and high-jinx that went along with it, of course. We were invisible, after all, and no one could really see what we were up to.

One time I was directed to establish a Top Secret Program and maintain meticulous records of everything that I did and everyone who had access to what I was doing. It was very grave, and I complied to the letter, keeping my lists ands memos in a double-secret vault.

As it turned out, the mission was a success. That was not always the case, since the adversary of the time was not always cooperative. When all the dust had settled, I got a message that directed me to shred all the records, debrief myself, and forget that it had ever happened. It was surreal, but fun, in an edgy sort of way.

That sort of thing can lead to a certain feeling of invulnerability, and you have to watch out for that. Ask Senator Edwards about the feeling, if you h appen to run into him.

Anyhow, I had my future hat on. I completed a couple obituaries for members who had departed for the great Patrol, taking care to place myself a few months in the future, where things that have not happened yet are recounted as though they were past.

It is a delicate art, but not unprecedented in our line of work. I completed a re-cap of the big golf tournament, and edited the pictures and text to describe the formal banquet where everyone took off their cloaks of invisibility. I was embarking on a rollicking account of the annual business meeting when it became too much to handle.

I went to the mail basket to take a break. Ripping open envelopes can be soothing.

Some of the members have issues on things that happened long ago, and others have issues with things that haven’t happened yet, like the election.

I wondered if I should write that up, with the likely consequences to the Secret Squirrel Community, since they are likely to be profound and deep. I decided I could let that one slide until the Spring Issue, and imagined myself for a moment on the far side of the Holidays, in the depths of February. I shivered and opened another envelope.

This one was serious, and I took immediate note:

“Dear Editor,” it started reasonably enough.

“While driving south on I-25 the other day I happened to pass the Air Force Academy and it’s iconic Chapel, whose futuristic lines and spires inspire the cadets with the spirit of the Space-Age Aero-Space team. Imagine my shock and astonishment to note that a Los Angles-class Fast Attack submarine (SS N-10 USSBancroft) had surfaced in the green field abeam the historic structure.

Topside on the conning tower were actual Navy personnel, who were observed waving to cadets marching to breakfast.

I hasten to remind you that the Chapel is on the list of historic structures, and submarine operations in the direct proximity of such buildings are strictly prohibited.

As a taxpayer, I am concerned th at the Navy apparently was in the process of running a surveillance mission against a sister service, which also operates jet aircraft. Further, this apparently represents yet another example of “positive disclosure” in the continuing and somewhat disturbing rivalry between America’s armed forces.

Could not these affairs be conducted on the football field? My understanding is that the Air Force is considering fielding one.

I do not know who is responsible and could not get a phone number for the Ocean Surveillance Watch in Suitland, which should have Blue Force locating data on all Navy units, world-wide. Accordingly, I am asking you to forward this information to the cognizant authorities for their action. In support of this incident, I provide documentary evidence acquired from the camera on my cellular phone:

My thanks for your assistance in curtailing these provocative maneuvers.

- A Concerned Citizen”

I put the letter down with a sigh. The Bugle is not the X-Files. We have certain standards of professionalism to maintain. There is stuff a lot stranger than this that I cannot put in the Bugle. Some of it will be sealed until long after I am gone. I took the letter and the photo, and reluctantly put it on the spike.

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