12 May 2007
Poolside Procedural
I fell asleep in the brown chair last night. I had just come in from the balcony over the pool at Big Pink, surveying my domain with satisfaction. The trees have filled in nicely, and there are no prying eyes from the units that encircle the south side of the pool. I sat down in the chair to watch an exciting police procedural drama, rooted in actual current events.
I had been working on a procedural drama of my own, all about the intricate maneuvering of the Congress and the new Director of National Intelligence. I get in trouble for that, since it is about as exciting as going to a children's swim meet, or watching paint dry.
Still, there is a lot going on up on the Hill, and it actually means something. 'Tis the season for the Intelligence Authorization bill, and the annual hi-jinks by the Appropriators. Director McConnell has been pressing for reform of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, the famous FISA, which is too restrictive to allow him to do his job. He did not get in this round, and will have to hope he can get some help from the Senate.
The House committee is a little petulant with him, since he has note used his ten weeks he has been in office to fix everything that has gone wrong in the last sixty years.
New Chairman Reyes, D-TX, was pretty stern with the DNI, now that there is no “blank Check” for the war, and there is rigorous oversight of the Intelligence Community. The staffers accused McConnell of “taking his eye off the ball,” as if there was just one of them, and then told him his staff was too big. They froze the staff at the size it was on the first of May, and directing him to do more with what he has already. Then they loaded an in-depth survey of the impact of Global Warming on national security to the Director's overflowing plate, and congratulated themselves on a job well-done.
I have no idea how much that will cost, but I am sure it is a lot. It seems sort of oxymoronic, but McConnell may go along with that, in order to get FISA reform, because compromise is the way things are supposed to work. The bill passed the committee, and went to the floor where it was passed by a vote of 225 to 197.
Meanwhile, the Appropriators inserted $25 million in earmarks into their bill, including Chairman Murtha's $23 million to go to the National Drug Intelligence Center, located conveniently in his district in Johnstown, Pennsylvania. The city in the valley is better known for its periodic floods, and is no hotspot for drug smuggling. A variety of Administrations have tried to kill the NDIC, which was founded the last time Rep. Murtha was in the majority, but it apparently won't be this year.
It may be an exciting time in the legislative cycle on the Hill, and it is equally exciting in our big old building across the river in Arlington. The pool furniture has been moved up out of storage in the basement, and is now clustered on the deck below my balcony. Clean sparkling water is filling the deep end. Tanning season is not far away.
The entire aquatic enterprise is problematic this year, since there is a new Commissar of Public Waterways in Arlington County. Apparently, she is something fierce. Fred, the charismatic former Phone Company executive and current Mayor of Big Pink, lawfully appointed by our Condominium Board, told me the story in strict confidence in the lobby. It appears the Commissar- he called her something that rhymes with “rich”- is out to make her reputation by ruthless enforcement of the public law on the governance of swimming pools.
I am always suspicious of Bureaucrats on the make, since they are the most dangerous kind. Bureaucrats on the take are much easier to deal with, since the good ones “stay bought,” which was the definition of a competent official in the old days. This particular official demanded that our well-built but admittedly old pool be brought into full compliance with the rules of the Nanny State, at considerable expense. Otherwise, the Bureaucrat was going to have the cops raid the place and shut us down for non-compliance with rules that did not exist until a couple seasons ago.
It seems to me there is a case for “Grandfathering” our pool, since no one has been injured here in years, but that is not the way it is going to be. Last Fall a battalion of possibly documented laborers swarmed in and chipped all the tile off the edges, replacing it with boldly marked edging that clearly marked the depth of the pool every four or five feet. When the pool cover came off a couple weeks ago, the murky black water of winter was drained off. I was surprised to see the men come back and begin to channel a trough in the bottom of the pool near the deep end, and around the steps in the shallow end.
Colorful little blue tiles were inserted in the trough to clearly outline where the depth changed.
Fred sighed. We can afford it, but it was not in the budget. The Commissar was pretty adamant, though, and something else worth doing has been squeezed out. I don't know if she sees herself running for the School Board or County Sheriff someday, based on the publicity she will get with her hard line on the big Pool Safety Issue. Maybe the US Senate someday, I don't know.
I know that I will never mistake where the deep end is now, not that it was a problem before. I am going to have to dive down there once the pool opens officially on Memorial Day with our new Czech lifeguard and see if the tile has Braille markings on it, to ensure that it is in compliance with the American's with Disabilities Act.
Of course, the diving board was removed two years ago, so the reason for the demarcation eludes me. I vote in all the elections here, now that I can, and for the life of me I don't recall this being on the ballot.
It makes the hair stand up on my neck, though. Hard charging bureaucrats being the way they are, it is a small step from eliminating the diving board to enforcing strict rules on sun exposure, since more of us die of melanoma than from pool accidents.
And the things people eat and drink out there at poolside are reasons for deep concern by our non-elected officials. Maybe there will be some comprehensive legislation on one of the little elections no one pays any attention to.
I doubt it though. It is more like the Appropriations Committee and their earmarks. You wake up one morning, and there is a new public law funding intelligence centers no one asked for. Then a crew of men is taking away your diving board.
I don't recall voting on any of this, but I guess that was never in the plan to begin with.
Copyright 2007 Vic Socotra
www.vicsocotra.com