08 June 2009
Emily and Lamar
(Emily and Lamar, 5th Floor)
There was a buzz rising around the pool in the later afternoon sun. It actually was sunny, for the first time in a week, and Mary Margaret and Mandy were quite agitated.
Mandy is new to Big Pink, so of course she doesn’t feel the loss. She is a bright young consultant at Booz . She has the world at her feet and is still caught up in the magic of the yellow chaise lounges and the cute abs on the replacement Pole who has the weekend lifeguard duty. She scarcely is aware of the ghosts who have reclined on this patch of concrete before her, in that particular sun-lit spot of prime ultraviolet light.
Mary Margaret has lived in Big Pink for a couple decades, and what has changed about the west side of the pool deck is a little hard to deal with.
Pat died three weeks ago. He seemed eternal, like Old Jack. He worried about skin cancer a little, and the visits to his wife of fifty winters who is now drifting out into the arms of dementia. Considering what he had been through in his life, not much seemed to worry the old veteran. The Navy tattoos on his forearms were so old that the hula girls on his forearms were just ghosts of blue ink.
Stanley, the amiable savant, is missing, too. He lives at the Sunrise assisted living facility, and his visits to the pool were always a treat. He was alert and focused, but it seems his brother who lived in the building may have passed away, too, and thus he has lost his access to the pool altogether.
“I just think of his being shut up in the home,” said Mary Margaret. “It makes me want to cry.”
“Circle of Life,” I said, wondering about how we would continue life as it is supposed to be without the lithe nut-brown body of Ms Hamilton to appear in her latest daring bikinis and stake out the cool spot on the west deck, and the new people who did not understand whose spot was whose, and just put their crap down wherever they feel like it.
“I’ll have to ask Rhonda at the front desk about Herbert’s brother. We may have to publish a list of the missing,” said Mary Margaret brightly. “She knows everything- like when Kristie and Aaron moved out two weeks ago and didn’t say a word about it.”
“Where did they go?” I asked. “South Africa?”
“China, I think.”
“Whatever. It is important to keep track of what is going on here,” I agreed. “Three seasons of the year there is no quality gossip to speak of. I would rather have some good scoop on who is sleeping with who than a list of the dead.”
“Who sleeps any more?” I said grimly. “There is plenty of time for that later.”
Mary Margaret reached into her voluminous purse. “Here is something you ought to do a story about. It has Big Pink right on the Today Show.”
Naturally I am interested in anything that keeps us in the public eye, whether it is the termites across the street at Arlington Hall or something more interesting. I took the paper and glanced at the banner headline:
“TODAY SHOW FINALISTS!”
“Isn’t it exciting? Lamar and Emily are finalists in the free wedding contest!”
“What on earth is that,” I asked. “And who the hell are Lamar and Emily?”
Mary Margaret looked at me with incredulity. “Vic,” she said slowly, as if talking to an idiot, “Lamar is from the 5th floor, and lives in the unit you used to live in. He is half of Couple Three. Emily lives in Reston, but she is still a nice person. She has a wonderful daughter who will be the best flower girl.”
“So NBC is going to give away a free wedding? That costs an arm and a leg these days.” I smiled, serene in the knowledge I have no daughters.
“They have been doing it for almost ten years. They have the couples do all sorts of fun competitions and the audience gets to vote on everything- from the bridesmaid’s dresses to the menu at the reception. They even pay for the honeymoon in some exotic location!”
Despite the warmth of the June sun I felt myself shiver at the prospect of doing “fun competitions” with my prospective spouse in front of millions of early morning television viewers, and then having them sadistically choose the wedding dress.
The relationship would last as long as an ice cube on a Weber Grill.
“We need to get the word out to everyone we can. With any luck, we can stack the voting for Lamar and Emily, like they did on American Idol when the straight guy beat that cute gay guy with all the auto-texting.”
“It wouldn’t be fair to have everyone on the planet log onto their computers and go to www.thetodayshow.com <http://www.thetodayshow.com/> and vote for Couple Three. Think of the integrity of the fun competition system.”
“It doesn’t matter,” said Mary Margaret. “Everyone can start voting on June 10th, and the more votes the better.”
Uncle Bill limped by. He is about the most athletic of the International Ornamental Concrete Workers Union, lean and wiry and well-tanned. Apparently he threw his back out tying to get Jigg’s Mother’s car battery out of the engine compartment on her aging Cadillac. She doesn’t drive it anymore, and the thing was dead as a doornail.
Uncle Bill had to snake himself into the little garage spot and it was awkward, since the hood would only raise a foot or two because of the overhead storage unit, and the battery was so dead that the interconnection switch between “Park” and “Neutral” wouldn’t trip and they could not push the dead Caddy out from under. Uncle Bill was curled up like a snake, trying to lift the thirty pound battery out by his fingertips.
“Then something just went pop,” he said with a grimace. “That’s why we have to support Lamar. The honor of the entire fifth floor is at stake here. He is just 26, and he is physical therapist and personal trainer. I am going to go see him tomorrow and see if he can help my back. Great kid.” He grimaced at a sudden bolt of pain that shot up his back.
“Can’t have the expense of the wedding make him leave Big Pink. We need him here.”
“Got it,” I said. I am not much for morning television, but this is a special case, and besides, the fun competitions will embarrass someone else. “I’ll be tuning in for Matt Lauer and the whole gang on the Today Show. Isn’t that cute Katie Couric on that show, too?”
“Vic, you are so out of it. Katie has been doing the evening news for two years now.”
“I wouldn’t know,” I said. “I would have to miss the re-runs of the Simpsons on Fox.”
Remember: Support Big Pink and Lamar and Emily. Vote for Couple Three starting 10 June at www.thetodayshow.com
Copyright 2009 Vic Socotra
www.vicsocotra.com