22 August 2006

Not With a Bang

I was up early to see the world end as predicted by President Ahmadinejad. I was not early enough to see the dawn break over the Gulf; that would have meant not going to bed at all.

I had the alarms set, though, so that if some wave of catastrophe were spreading west and east from the Straits of Hormuz I would be wakened in time to at least have a steaming cup of coffee when they got here.

Nothing. It was ten o'clock in London, five o'clock on the US East Coast when I began to breath a little easier. Judy Swallow has the microphone this week on the World Update, and her voice was warm across the miles. She did not seem to be alarmed.

London seems to have made it through the rush-hour unscathed, and one of the larger issues of the day is the diplomatic affair between the UK and Pakistan over the forfeiture of a cricket test match.

If that was the case, I reasoned, things might not be as bad as they seemed. I unloaded the shotgun by the bed.

I tuned into the local media to see if the End might actually be starting here, but there seemed to be nothing untoward. Traffic was lighter than usual, and most of America seemed to be on vacation.

There was a note of concern on the AP ticker, though, as I poured over the rolls of printer paper that had accumulated on the floor overnight.

It was about the Gulf, and I don't know how we had all missed it, unless it was because the story came from Romania. Apparently one of their oil rigs anchored near Kish Island in the southern Gulf came under fire from a Revolutionary Guard warship. The Iranians courteously aimed their first shots into the air.

Later, commandos from the ship boarded and occupied the rig. There was no report on death or injury, which was surprising if this was the Beginning of the End.

Kish island is home to the facilities of nearly a hundred Iranian and foreign oil companies, which would certainly be where you expect the beginning of the end to start.

Inexplicably, no locust clouds were sighted, and there were no indications of black horsemen.

I listened as hard as I could, since this is the anniversary of the Prophet's Night Ride, and the trigger for the End of Time.

Nothing, except report of a milk tanker truck that overturned on Georgia Avenue. There is dairy product all over four lanes, some of it beginning to curdle. That is going to make the commute to Washington a little dicey from the Maryland suburbs.

Taken together with the news about the oil-rig, I thought, this particular end of the world is pretty small beer.

I realized I was going to have to take my shower and go into the office. I had not planned on it, and in fact cleared my calendar with the notation “End of World, Hold Calls.”

I was not until the water was cascading over me that I realized that the Prophet might be riding tonight, not last night. The End might still be in the future. If only I was more devout, I would know these things.

The upside is that I have an easy morning today. The downside is that tomorrow's agenda is pretty full, since I pushed a lot of stuff off, thinking it wouldn't matter.

I sighed. I don't know what I am going to do if I can't trust the Islamic Republic to do what they say they are going to do.

I am a busy guy. How am I supposed to run a calendar if I can't tell when the end of the world is going to come?

Copyright 2006 Vic Socotra
www.vicsocotra.com


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