Editor’s Note: I felt like I was going to be one of them recently. Thankfully on the mend. Life is good. Live it while you have it.

– Vic

Author’s note: Thanks to my readers who submitted many of these additions.

Marlow

Taxpayer: “I’m spending this year dead for tax purposes.”

Voltaire: “To the living we owe respect, but we owe the truth to the dead.”

Monty Python: “Bring out your dead . . . I’m not dead yet . . . . . . yes, you are.”

Diner: “I want my food dead, not sick, not wounded, not dying — dead.”

Light bulb: “I am on until I am dead.”

Me: “I lived in DC at the bottom of a cul de sac off of a pipe stem dead end. Go figure.”

Philosopher: “Why is the past the only dead thing that smells sweet?”

Speed freak: “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

Me (again): “Never speak ill of the dead or the trial the judge who is hearing your case.”

Snickering Campbell Soup can: “Avant garde art is dead.”

Pedestrian: “There are two kinds of jaywalkers, the quick and the dead.”

Citizens: “All politicians are great patriots, humanitarians and friends of the people, provided that they really and truly dead.”
Me (one last time — I promise): “Why isn’t Elvis alive and all his impersonators dead?”

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