Gentle Readers,

I have hit a speed-bump on the Daily. All I want to do is rage against the idiocy that is all around us, and that is neither gently ironic, informative or particularly interesting.

It is enough to drive one to distraction. I was going to tell you about a trip to the ancient city of Al Iskandria (modern Alexandria) and Cairo, since I found a bunch of the pictures from the port visit in 1990, but that requires scanning and formatting, and I ran out of time yesterday.

Then, I was going to write a brief tale about the faux Mexican queso dip I made for the book group, and I didn’t even get to that. That is how bad it is. I have two reports to write this morning to demonstrate I can still follow simple directions, and I don’t want to do those, either. In the meantime, writing the following adds to the heft of the Cloak and Dagger Cookbook with an original recipe for emergency hors d’eourves.

Vic’s Amazing Impromptu Faux Mexican Queso Dip

Ingredients:

Whatever ground meat you have in the fridge. I used spicy breakfast sausage. Beef works as well
That block of Velveeta-brand cheese with the peppers you have had just in case for several months.
One half Vadalia sweet Onion
Red peper, diced
One can of condensed milk for thinning

The magic ingredients:

Wickles Spicy Sub and Hoagie Relish (https://wicklespickles.com/)
Mae Ploy Sweet Chili Sauce

Options:

One can of Ro-Tel spicy diced tomatoes, which would save you the chopping and dicing. I couldn’t find a can, which I normally have stockpiled when it is on sale, and that absence led me to the novel experimentation with the relish and sweet chili sauce.

I don’t know where they carry Wickles Pickles where you are- I was down at Jake’s place on the Northern Neck last summer and Celia brought out a huge jar of their pickle crisps and I was so impressed by their hot and sweet crunchy texture that I went to Amazon and bought a selection of their products. The Hoagie relish is red and carries the same complex collision of contradictions. The Mae Ploy Chili sauce is what they use on everything in the Philippines, and I am lucky to have a source in the marvelous little sari-sari store in the little strip mall in Arlington Oaks.

Directions:

Anyway, bustle around trying to get the place clean for the Book Group to arrive. Daydream about a place where it is warm and you can sit at the outside bar and watch the gentle breeze ruffle the surce of the lake,. Like yesterday for lunch.

Realize with alarm that you have not been to the store since the trip to Florida and wrack what is left of the brain to see what might be there to get creative. Spy the Velveeta in that little drawer where things hide for months, which had been intended for something like this for the Superbowl.

Open up the foil that covers the block and cube it, then set aside. Mix a drink for improved culinary daring:

Two jiggers Tito’s hand Crafted Vodka on crushed ice in a Stadium Cup,
Schweppes Diet Tonic,
Lime,
Splash of cranberry juice
Dash of Peychaud’s New Orleans aromatic bitters

Set dining table with the stemware, silverware and tapas plates with the sausage and cheese plates. Sauté the breakfast sausage until it crumbles. Add in the pepper and onion, finely diced and continue to sauté until translucent. Reduce to low heat, throw in the cubed cheese and cover to melt slowly.

I don’t keep fresh milk around though it would be good for the morning coffee, but I do like to use it for the cornbread recipes, and find that a stock of condensed milk is a useful and long-term selection for the larfer in times like these. Open the can of condensed milk and douse in about a third of it, stirring until it is a smooth creamy consistency. Wander way to do something else. Watch something about politics for a while until the bile rises and you angrily turn it off.

Return to kitchen, freshen the drink, get out the red wine to breath, and leave the white in the fridge to stay chilled. Stir the cheese mixture again and add Wickles relish and sweet chili sauce to taste, adding more milk until you have the desired consistency. That should be fluid enough to dip and not congeal in the bowl. I could have used the fondue pot to ensure the dip stayed liquid, but I was nearing the number of pots I wanted to have to clean melted cheese off of later (one) and that is what I did.

Don’t skimp on the milk- the industrial cheese will set like concrete if you do.

The colors are wonderful, and the scoop-able Fritos chips or Tostitos are perfect to frame the spice and sweetness of the dip.

When the guests are gone, take whatever is left over, mix it back in the pot with leftover cheese from the cracker plate, re-melt, thin with remaining milk, remove from heat and pour into a container to freeze for the next impromptu entertainment event. It freezes like a champ, which I no longer am and why I think about Florida a lot.

Vic

Copyright 2016 Vic Socotra
www.vicsocotra.com
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