(Author Franz Kafka on one of his better hypnotic days before what he might have called “Der Grossen Krieg.”

The group at the First Ring was fully caffeinated. DeMille tried to establish order. “We have to find a way to use a cool quote for the title. Then fill it in with some festive anecdotes and then we can go to lunch. Maybe sing some carols.”

Loma frowned. “I saw that one you wanted. “Reign of Error.” But the Boss says we have to knock off the alarmism until the holidays are done. Once we are in the New Year we can do one of those stern morning stories that follow the events that could develop with all the mayhem. But we need to let people sober up a little. That will help us get ready for the cascade of public policy panic directives that are driving everyone a little nuts.”

DeMille stiffened. “They thought it would work. In fact, they are in power at the moment, so I guess it did.”

Rocket was roused. “Yeah, but panic-atop-panic makes counterproductive policy. It is having an impact on all sorts of people. They say kids are seeking counseling, since they have been told, very sincerely and at high volume, that the world is going to end before they are old enough to vote.”

Splash may have already “been to lunch,” which is what he calls the stuff he adds to his coffee. “That will save them the trouble to go to the registrar’s office.”

Melissa smiled. “See? There is good news in everything. A lot of people are saving time standing next to those red kettles down at the entrances to the Mall. There may be fewer people giving, but the stores that are still open are just adding a line to the receipts to donate.”

Splash grunted: “They oughta do that with taxes.”

She shook her head in a way that made her long blonde curls dance across her improbably-themed Christmas sweater. “They already are. They are just calling it ‘inflation’ now. But really, I think this is all running out of steam. People are shutting down and not paying attention.”

“We need to get them alert again. There are some real problems and we are causing some, amplifying others and yelling it out in new pervasive ways that we have never seen in the species.”

“See? There you go again. We are part of it, even if The Farm is peaceful and filled with tranquil joy. We are stuck with the old maxim in the news business: ‘When it Bleeds, it Leads!’ Then we make fun of it.”

“Fair enough. But it is getting ridiculous. Take the Climate hysteria. That quad-state tornado the President was talking about yesterday? It was a record for sustained track on the ground. This morning some of them are saying it was at least two funnels and while destructive, not a record.”

“Which means that maybe the old record from 1925 wasn’t actually a record, either. They didn’t have pulse doppler radar back then to measure.”

“Bingo. But if you said it that way it would seem like there isn’t a changing climate, and humankind is not contributing to it.”

“Which of course we are, to some degree. That is why Nixon created the EPA.”

“No rivers in Ohio have burst into flames in a while. It must have worked. That is a good news story.”

“True. But once the rivers and smog got a little better, all those people who have the EPA jobs need to keep reminding us how important it is that they continue to get paid decent wages, build families, and live productive lives.”

“Those are good things, right?”

“Well, that is where things seem to come off the rails a little. One of the things under attack is the nature of how we are organized as a society. Families, and the whole nature of how we personally organize our lives is under revision by some people who think the old family structure is antithetical to human liberation.”

DeMille smiled. “I doubt seriously anyone could come up with a way to use the word ‘antithetical’ this early on a weekend. Relax. It is the holidays. The amount of daylight is only going to get shorter for three more days. Then we can join together and start the great march back to more daylight, and the trees will come alive again and burst into living green. The bees will be back, and produce honey. We can make alcohol out of it.”

“Arguably true, and if you left off the last part we could agree that Mother Nature loves us.”

“See? You are snared in that Kafka trap.”

“What are you yammering about now? Franz Kafka has been dead since 1925.”

“Physically true, yes. But he is back and bigger than ever.”

There was a collective sigh, since literary figures from the Great War days a century ago used to be sort of- well, you know- passe. “Isn’t there supposed to be an accent mark in that? And no one is reading his book ‘The Trial,’ anymore. But they are using a technique he described in it. A guy is arrested for something he didn’t do, but they won’t tell him what it was. He ultimately pays a significant non-holiday price. They call it “kafkatrapping” these days.”

“Is that like a bear trap? Powered by some kind of spring-loaded words?”

“Well, yes. But I’m serious. It is part of twisting the language around so there is a desired outcome by those who are doing the twisting.”

“Like what?”

“A Kafka Trap creates a logical fallacy. It is pretty slick. Use in popular discourse goes back to second-generation feminism. Today, it is used for all the ideologies of victimhood. It works like this: Someone makes a bizarre assertion contrary to general experience. Take the trans thing. Someone asserts that an XY-chromosomed person can become an XX person simply by asserting it. You respond with an honest assertion that such a thing is impossible. That denial is then used as confirmation of your guilt in not respecting transpeople, or worse, disliking or even hating them.”

“Bingo. That is why we have the Interns walk around with the footnotes. Climate changes because that it is what it does. We support the right of people to dress how they want or sleep with whoever they want if of legal age. We refuse to be trapped in circular and unfalsifiable arguments.”

“Now there is a holiday theme we think the Chairman would like. It is a comment on totalitarian governments in which justice is a bitter, horrifying parody of itself serving only those in charge.”

“Nice summary. Is there a way for us to be put in charge for a while with complete authority to tell everyone what to do so we can straighten it all out?”

There were smiles at that idea, then a pause, and raucous laughter followed. Only people not in the holiday spirit would get it, so we are thinking about having another Footnote made out. Then the Interns can parade it when someone tells us the world is going to end, we agree. We just don’t think it is next week.”

“The Chairman is going to be delighted. That is Kafka played as life affirming, seasonal and fun.”

“And anyone who disagrees is anti-Holiday!”

Copyright 2021 Vic Socotra
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