Yeah, we are aware that tomorrow is the day, not today, but there are nearly a dozen of us and this will take some coordination. That is one of the reasons we had to get the “check engine” light looked at on the German SUV- the Panzer- since for comfort and elegance we did not want twelve of us hanging half out of the water in the battered truck-bed of the F150 to get to town.
There is a larger question, naturally, about whether what do tomorrow should involve all of us at once so we can see what we are doing and be reasonably confident that whatever our individual decision-making might be, we will have a reasonable supposition that we are all done with our civic duty, and heavy sighs or threats can be minimized.
We should have been more aware, but the Clarion-Bugle blared it out this morning: “Early Voting Begins Friday!”
Splash noted the headline with some surprise. “Son of a gun, that is tomorrow! We could get done with it and not have to listen to anything like the October Surprise we have been waiting for! We could vote and we have two vehicles capable of reaching town to do it in!”
DeMille took his somewhat magisterial posture to clarify the early excitement around the Fire Ring, something unusual before the second or third cup of Chock Full O’ Nuts. “Early in-person voting has been adopted here in the Commonwealth. It is a rational approach to limit crowding and ease the stress on workers at the Registrar’s Office in town. It will run for 45 days, ending Nov. 5. Election Day, as you all know, is on November 8th.”
Rocket was mildly interested, and he nudged Melissa, who slapped Loma atop his freshly-shorn pate. She laughed and congratulated him on the haircut he self-performed with those ominous-looking clippers to look fresh for the election. He squared his shoulders. “I am voting early as an act of compassion for gentle readers across the District, State and Nation. Once we vote there will be nothing on which to comment. Then we simply wait until Election Day and things are wrapped up and done without need for any discussion from tomorrow over the next 46 days.”
“Unless they take another month to get the totals they want,” said Loma.
Some parts of the process are already done. We had already decided we were not voting for that fellow who used to be President. It wasn’t purely a question of whether his accountant had mis-estimated, high or low, the value of real estate in a city we will never visit again. He is not on any ballot we could find to vote for or against, but early in-person voting makes it possible to have lunch at that cool steakhouse and perform a civic duty in the same afternoon.
“The President said that the pandemic is over,” observed Melissa. “You would think that means the “public emergency” is, too. Thankfully, there appear to be all the other emergencies associated with tens of millions of eligible voters who don’t have the identification to purchase cigarettes, alcohol or cash a check. They will still need ballots that can be cast without leaving their chairs. Some other people said that wasn’t exactly what the President meant, so the Registrars should go ahead and send out ballots to all those people who registered at the same postal boxes on the same day two years ago. It is only fair.”
“Yeah, if we all go tomorrow we will still have to show a picture ID and it will have to match the address they have on file.”
“That seems biased, but I guess it impacts other choices. If we take two vehicles, we can go with “wet” and “dry” options. We can fill up the truck-bed on the F150 with safe, chlorinated water for the wet voters and use the SUV for those who prefer dry voting.”
“Wait, I know that former President isn’t on the ballot, but aren’t the terms “wet” and “dry” reference points for Prohibition? That is the issue we are unified in opposing!” Splash was clearly alarmed, since the idea of dripping water all over the simulated marble floor at the Registrar’s Office could lead to slipping or other intrinsic perils of in-person voting. The prevalence of that smooth flooring in public offices is another in the top fifty list of current emergencies requiring urgent Federal action. “As a point of clarification, could we drink before getting in the truck? Can we be pre-dampened Wet voters?”
As you might imagine, that led to more animated discussion about specific emergencies which led to the decision to accommodate public panic. We added some of that brown liquid from Belmont Farms to bring the coffee up to civilized levels in the mugs.
Melissa rose to summarize her perspective on groups of males making emergency decisions, something happening in Moscow and Washington this week. “Can we actually assure the folks out there that we are not going to yammer about the mysteries of the coming election once we get the voting thing out of the way?”
“After lunch tomorrow our part will be done, and no one will care if we are damp or not for a month and a half.”
“But won’t that take some of the surprise out of the month of October?”
There were smiles all the way around the circle, and several mugs raised in a sort of triumphal gesture. Loma summed it up after a quick swig. “Here in the Piedmont,” he said with resolution,”We are going to know exactly who is voting in the ten or fifteen minutes it takes to walk from the truck to the lobby at Town Hall, wait for the elevator to the second floor, reach absently into the back pocket of our Levis or purses for the wallets, produce a single piece of paper, laminated or not, that has something resembling the name we happened to identify with tomorrow morning, show it to Eunice at the desk and protect our Democracy.”
Splash frowned. “It is not a Democracy. It is supposed to be a Constitutional Republic, and we are voting, inter alia, for the Representative who will best protect it.” He had to speak slowly to demonstrate the italics in his thinking. Then we all laughed, since our two choices tomorrow include an incumbent who proudly claims she used to be a CIA Case Officer who only trifled with other peoples elections and a Law Enforcement Lady from El Salvador who claims to want to enforce the laws here, in English, if necessary.
You can see why we want to get the voting out of the way, Wet or Dry. We think you know whether we will be damp or not at Refuge Farm. We are protecting Democracy.
Copyright 2022 Vic Socotra
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