(The official Arlington County “I voted” decal. Photo Martin Kalfatovic).

Frabjous Day, Caloo, Calay!

I promised I would get to Big Smoke this morning, and the adventures of the rogue Spooks, but I have heard that he is in rocky health, and there is no point in roiling those waters that go back to WV/WAVE, the code name for what once was the largest field activity of the Other Government Agency in Miami. He got quite cross with me when I started poking around some of the more interesting aspects of the Lucky Luciano connection between his exile in Naples and the French Connection to New York, so maybe I will just let that alone and let the dead past bury its dead.

There are plenty of things going on these days that make all that seem quaint, anyway.

I scanned the electronic pages of The NY Times, looking for other topics of interest. Amid the gloomy economic news, I saw an article on dirty campaigns of the past, apparently in the interest of convincing me that the Jefferson and Jackson campaigns were much worse than this sordid mess.

I do not recall those, and thought there had been a lot of water over the dam since. But ever the apologists for whatever is gong on today, the Times stands foursquare that things could be worse.

I am not sure how. I have talked to two brokers in the last ten days about what to do in the current fiscal environment, and where the smartest place to park resources might be. The money-guy in Traverse City opined that his Plan C was to head north of the Mackinaw Bridge to the Upper Peninsula. The guy from Morgan Stanley yesterday did not have an approach to deal with the impact of a failed Euro  cascading over a Japan that has to default on debt, with eventually everything coming here, like it or not.

The old joke about investing in canned goods and ammo rings sort of hollow these days. I mean, what is the alternate currency going to be? I heard last year that Tide Laundry Detergent was a commodity of choice, but that seems an awkward thing to have to carry around in the trunk of the car, not that there will be gas.

I was scanning the pages of Money magazine in an idle moment. That rag is a legacy subscription that belonged to Big Mama that continues to come to my mailbox. In an article entitled “What to do with $1,000” they recommended buying a portable electrical generator.

That was interesting, I thought. Plus, for that to be useful, it would also require investing in an underground storage tank for petroleum, which would be problematic in the condo, and very expensive at the Farm. Then I lost interest.

I sighed. We are all in a strange land these days. I have been walking on eggshells, avoiding television and commercial radio to keep the steady drumbeat of political bile as far away as possible. I even rigged some improvised blinders for my glasses that cover the more irritating political ads that keep popping up on the margins of my email queue.

Irritating.

Anyway, after five days of talk radio in the Panzer coming and going from Michigan, it all welled up and I finally had it. I did a Google search on Virginia voting rules, and was pleasantly surprised to discover that early voting had begun on the 23rd. I smiled for the first time in days. I went down to 2100 Clarendon Boulevard to exercise my franchise. I took the Metro, and it was quite convenient. As I walked gingerly into the County Building at the Courthouse stop, I noticed there was actually an Arlington County Gift Shop.

(The In-Person Absentee Polling Station for Arlington County).

Who on earth would have guessed that our Blue County was selling embroidered polo shirts at subsidized rates? Democracy is great.

Further down the hall past the stern lady at the information desk was the appropriate office. There were a total of eleven people working the absentee in-person voting station. Think about that term for a moment. I did and only got more confused.

They all fixated on me as I produced my voter registration card and offered photo ID. They didn’t want that. I also asked if my concealed-carry pistol permit would be acceptable identification, and they allowed as how it would, without even a blink.

I was the only voter present at the time, and the Polling Officer and Voting Assistant were most solicitous.

“Don’t forget to press the blinking red screen that says ‘Vote,'” said the VA earnestly. “It is the most important part.”

“I will be sure to,” I said brightly.

I worked through the four screens of candidates and issues. I had done my homework on the issues on the ballot. I had a grand time voting against all the idiots, and felt a great weight lift from my shoulders.

I despise one of the school board members, but there were only two candidates for two openings. I voted against the incumbent and wrote in “Donald Duck,” who I think has been a marvelous advocate for speech impediments and could help Arlington keep moving forward.

I remembered to press the blinking red screen with the word VOTE in the middle and was done with campaign 2012. I no longer have to listen to gaffes, slander, lies, bullshit or wonder what the October Surprise is going to be.

Then I went back to the gift shop to look at the shirts. I got a subsidized t-shirt and a nice polo with the stylized pillars of Robert E. Lee’s Arlington House on the left breast. I am proud of where I live, and the lady at the check-out counter was cute and upbeat. We agreed that we loved living in the County.

I walked out of the building whistling. The rest of you can listen to the gaffes and the lies and the bile and the venom for the next six weeks. I have done my civic duty, and now am going to pay as little attention as possible to the election.

If we all just voted today, would they shut up?

Copyright 2012 Vic Socotra
www.vicsocotra.com