“Silvio Berlusconi has plunged Italy into another political crisis. It’s a wake-up call for Europe and a reminder that, despite what the recent German election campaign suggested, the euro crisis is by no means over yet.”

– Gregor-Peter Schmitz writing in Der Spiegal

WTOP’s class-enclosed nerve center (“Traffic and Weather on the Eights!”) was telling us that nearly a million federal workers are idled by the shut down that begin Monday night at midnight.

I was in traffic, listening intently, and it still sucked yesterday, so they were doing something, even if it wasn’t the work of the taxpayers. I was, too, though it had little to do directly with the budget battles, though it was a consequence of them. I was at Willow in the middle of the day, watching a three-martini lunch in progress with wonderment.

Here is how it came about: last week, with the Government shutdown looming, we agreed with State Department John-with that should that sad event come to pass, we would gather for lunch on Tuesday and discuss the great matters of state.

Old Jim was seated at the apex of the Amen Corner as I came in this delightful lunchtime, the skies clear and the leaves just turning yellow. “I am not staying and I am not going to start drinking this early,” he said. “You did not show up last night, so John-with told me that it turns out the State Department tucked away a little cash for a rainy day and isn’t going to furlough anyone.”

“I thought rainy day slush funds were illegal,” I said. “Isn’t that why they have Congressional committees to appropriate funds for specific purposes?”

“Fuck if I know. You would have to have a functioning Republic. Anyway, he is working and not going to be here for lunch. I am going to limp back up the block, do some writing and take a nap. See you later.” Jim grabbed his cane and stomped out the double glass doors.

Brenna was the on-call bartender but running out to cover the patio crowd when Jon-without appeared and slid onto the stool next to me. “Where is our Foggy Bottom friend?” he asked.

“Jim says he is working, even if the rest of the town is shut down.”

“That calls into question the whole idea of being here for lunch,” I said. “Are we living in Italy now? I don’t recall even packing.”

“But we are here,” said Jon.

“Fair enough. A Willow Caesar salad would be an appropriate response; healthy, nutritious and moderate. And maybe a glass of what will, in as little as five hours, be the Happy Hour White.” I had a few things to do that afternoon and know my limits. Two glasses of wine will slow me down a bit but not leave me addled.

“Brenna,” called Jon, “Could I get a Bombay Sapphire martini?”

“That is a bold luncheon order,” I said with wonder. “A martini, or two, would render me insensate. Three would just leave me asleep.”

“I have no public responsibilities until I start with the Heavy Bomber people later this month. I consider this a function of being at temporary leisure. And I may have the award-winning Willow Burger, if it is still on the new menu.”

“Dad used to say that the best thing about getting promoted was not having to go out with the Boss and have three drinks at lunch. Then everyone was wasted all afternoon.”

“He was a wise man. Wish I had met him. But sometimes the situation calls for strong medicine.”

I looked at the maroon folder with the manila inserts for today’s offerings. Both the salad and the burger, with hand-cut fries, were on a pared-down but fresh list of the a la carte.

Brenna slowed down enough to get me a glass of wine and drop a silver shaker in front of Jon-without. Then she was gone again and we were alone at the bar.

“I heard they put up barricades at the Lincoln Memorial and the World War Two monument.”

“I thought they were open to the public all the time. I have never seen guards there before, and there are no entrances. They are just open on the Mall.”

“They said some World War Two Vets knocked over the saw-horses and went into the plaza anyway.”

“Well, I guess if you landed at Omaha Beach, the Park Service probably isn’t that big a threat. I think they are just trying to make this worse than it looks, like the did with Sequestration.”

“Yeah, outside DC no one seemed to notice.”

I reached in the pocket of my jacket and fished out a folded sheet of paper. “Yeah, but look at this. It is a message from SECDEF to all workers in DoD. A pal sent it to me this morning. I have no idea what to make of it. I handed it over and Jon looked at it, taking a sip of Bombay Silver with the three olives in it. “Look down to the bolded part after the Defense gobblety-gook.”

Jon’s eyes got larger. He read the words back to me:

“FROM THE SECRETARY OF DEFENSE. MESSAGE FROM PRESIDENT OBAMA TO ALL U.S. GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES
Importance: High
PASSED FOR ACTION REROUTE DETECTED
IMMEDIATE PRECEDENCE.” He looked over at me with curiosity. “Sounds important.”

“Yeah, and I think it is appropriate to keep the workforce informed, but look down.” Jon glanced back at the message.

“You mean the part that goes: THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT IS AMERICA’S LARGEST EMPLOYER, WITH MORE THAN 2 MILLION CIVILIAN WORKERS AND 1.4 MILLION ACTIVE DUTY MILITARY WHO SERVE IN ALL 50 STATES AND AROUND THE WORLD. BUT CONGRESS HAS FAILED TO MEET ITS RESPONSIBILITY TO PASS A BUDGET BEFORE THE FISCAL YEAR THAT BEGINS TODAY AND THAT MEANS MUCH OF OUR GOVERNMENT MUST SHUT DOWN EFFECTIVE TODAY. That seems sort of important.”

“Sure it does. But read a couple paragraphs down.”

Jon scanned down to the part that my pal had bolded, and read the words aloud. “THIS SHUTDOWN WAS COMPLETELY PREVENTABLE. IT SHOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED. AND THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES CAN END IT AS SOON AS IT FOLLOWS THE SENATE’S LEAD, AND FUNDS YOUR WORK IN THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT WITHOUT TRYING TO ATTACH HIGHLY CONTROVERSIAL AND PARTISAN MEASURES IN THE PROCESS.” He took a sip of his martini and plucked an olive off the toothpick in the glass. “Wait, isn’t that a highly partisan paragraph? I mean, couldn’t the Senate have conferenced with the House, come up with a compromise on something and sent it to the President?”

“Sure. That is the way it is supposed to work, and then the President can veto it if he wants. I swear, this is like some banana republic. Maybe worse than Italy since no one there takes it seriously. But words like that in an OPIMMEDIATE message? I have read a couple hundred thousand DoD cables in my life and I have never seen something like that. We are supposed to be non-partisan in the Defense Department.”

“Goodness, this seems sort of serious.” Jon looked up with gratification as my Caesar salad arrived, and his award-winning burger was deposited in front of him. It smelled delicious, but I was happy I had stuck with my guns for something lighter.

“I think I am going to have another martini,” said Jon.

“I wish I was joining you, “ I said. “But I totally support your decision. I have not seen a three martini lunch in a long time.”

“Desperate times,” said Jon, “call for desperate measures. Cheers.”

I raised my glass in tribute to an American institution. If there had been time for a nap before happy hour, I might just have joined him.

Copyright 2013 Vic Socotra
www.vicsocotra.com
Twitter: @jayare303