(Scenic View of the 11th Street Bridge heading into Anacostia in SE Washington DC. The new lanes hooking the highway to Maryland Rt 295 might have been the only shovel-ready construction project funded in the 2008 stimulus bill).

I had occasion to be at Joint Base Anacostia-Bolling (JBAB) yesterday. It was sort of an odd trip- a Friday, and Congress wasn’t working any more than they usually do on the last day of the business week, and I breezed across the East-West Freeway as though nothing whatsoever was happening in the Capital of the free world.

It is certainly possible that everyone is in New Hampshire for the continuing follies. I put that out of my mind- a hard thing to do this season in this town- and hurtled across the 11th Street Bridge into Anacostia.

The people at the Agency I visit periodically were remarkably helpful, and I got in and out with what passes for blinding speed there. I had enough time to stop at the Commissary and pick up some necessities that would cost twenty percent more on the civilian economy, and found the placed jammed. Must be the consequences of having my usual food depot under massive reconstruction, compressing the available shelf-space into a much smaller area and limiting the amount of goods on display.

Get this: Super Bowl tomorrow and no Fritos-brand snack chips!

The petite Korean woman who hauled my groceries to the Panzer was stoic about the mess, informing me that this will only go on for another six months.

Chores done, and with only the reports to be filed on my visit, I decided to head south from JBAB and see what things were like on the approach to the District Boundary Stone SE9, the last remaining monument to be visited before that particular feckless quest is done and off the “to do” list.

I stayed on the Anacostia Freeway past the Naval Research Labs and the Blue Plains Water treatment facility. Traffic was heavy for that time of day, and I looked for a decent place to pull off on the verge and take a look at the terrain near the sign advertising the advent of the Great State of Maryland, which should mark the line through the wilderness to the stone.

Actually, it is not, which is the case for many of the directions to the Stones. Park on the right shoulder of the southbound lanes of I-295 near the “Maryland Welcomes You” sign and walk west into the forest to a fence. Follow the fence several dozen feet north to reach a small hole. Enter the hole and walk west through the forest. Depending on your route, you may cross an empty field that once was a staging area for the construction of the highway. Continue west to a very steep hill (actually they say it was an earthen dam created to protect the highway from flooding), climb the hill, and walk north along the top of the hill. The stone will appear at the bottom of the hill on the west side after a short walk.

Piece of cake, right? That Stone had confounded me twice, and I wasn’t going to be messed with a third time.

As documented by Fred Woodward a hundred years ago, SE9 was once next to the Potomac at Fox Ferry Point, the terminus of an 1800s ferry line from the foot of King Street in Alexandria, or just about due east from the Torpedo Factory. During the early 1950s and again in 1969, the stone was moved some distance northeast of Fox Ferry Point to save it from being damaged by the tides of the river, which have left the shore strewn with an incredible thicket of brush and debris.

Anyway, I managed to slow down enough to get a good glimpse of what we would be dealing with, and how we might best accomplish the mission.

It would take a team of at least three to do it, I thought. A wheel-person would be needed to drop the insertion party, then proceeding on the freeway to the National harbor exit, where the getaway vehicle would be parked in front of the Cadillac Ranch Bar and Grill while the driver was fortified with a margarita or two while the insertion team blundered through the impossibly thick growth, spearing themselves with branches before triumphantly documenting the Stone. At that point they could call the getaway car, which would proceed from the bar back up the Anacostia Freeway to the NRL exit, cross under the highway and head south again for the pickup.

One of the insertion team could accompany the tipsy driver to the Stone, assuming they wanted to actually see it, while the vehicle returned to the bar to await the summons.

It would probably be more fun with four people, or even a chartered bus. But the key would be getting through the fence. I think a pair of bolt cutters might be useful, too. Just in case.

Anyway, what could go wrong?

Copyright 2016 Vic Socotra
www.vicsocotra.com
Twitter: @jayare303