I wish I had some more time this morning. I would tell you how good it was to stumble upon Death Junior and Doctor D at Willow last night. They were taking a welcome break from the business of death over at Murphy’s Funeral Home, and were drinking something pink in large tumblers.

I was surprised to see them. Ted’s Montana Grill is the place you can see right from Murphy’s formal front entrance, and that is normally where the staff casts off the pall of the working day.

Elisabeth was manning the bar, lithe and graceful as always, and Big Jim was supervising the happy hour crowd with quiet authority.

I took an active interest in the discussion, since I am proud member of the prospective Murphy’s family, and was interested in the fact that a prominent retired Naval Officer whose signature adorns one of the certificates in my file is a current transient resident of the freezer case at the Home.

He has just arrived, and will be in residence for a while, waiting on his date with formal interment at Arlington on the 12th of May.

DJ has lost a lot of weight and changed her hair color. She looked great. Doctor D is a tall burly man with a pronounced five o’clock shadow and close-cropped hair. He had removed the tie from his formal white shirt and unbuttoned the neck. He is doing a reverse retirement, is dabbling with employment. He preps the dearly departed when he is working, but prefers to travel while he can enjoy it.

I could have taken umbrage with that, having just traveled myself and enjoyed it vastly, but I could see his point. It would be much easier to retire first, and then ease into the working world, and keep working until you fall over and the Murphy’s people come for The Big Removal.

Doctor D regaled that end of the bar with tales of Removals in the great Snow Storm. See, the dead rest not where they pass, and the living insist on their orderly collection regardless of the elements. It was a hoot hearing what it was like horsing the body bag and the Stokes Litter through the drifts, having people ask what was going on, and the Doctor not responding, giving the deceased a little dignity.

Being of a certain age, I now have friends who have occupied the chiller at Murphy’s, due to the time constraints of the limited staff at Arlington, and the consequent waiting period. It sort of gives me the creeps, thinking about being in the refrigerator that long. I am reconsidering the whole thing.

“So,” I said. “If I decided to get cremated, would I have to go in the Columbarium, or could I get planted in the ground? That is the deal. I certainly don’t want to get stuck in the niches they are putting in the new stone wall across Washington Boulevard from the Pentagon.” It has always struck me that above ground resting places are inherently temporary, and I am interested in permanent solutions, at least until the low green hills wash down into the Potomac.

The Doctor looked at me thoughtfully. “No, you are entitled to an in-ground internment, even if you are just in an urn.”

“I was interested in the full-body burial so I could have my dog’s ashes go with me,” I said.

“Strictly prohibited,” he said, with a wink. “The Army does not permit that.”

“Unless you have friends,” said DJ with a laugh.

“Yeah,” I said. “It is good to have friends. I was thinking that if I got cremated I could specify in my will that my kids would have to take half the ashes to the Philippines and put them in the US cemetery at Clark Air Base, and that would force them to see one of my favorite places in the world.”

“Strictly prohibited,” said the Doctor gravely. “The Army insists on 100% weight for Arlington.”

“Though I suppose we could include the dog,” said DJ thoughtfully.

“It is nice to have friends,” I said, and waved at Elisabeth for another glass of the Happy Hour white. “I never would have known the ropes if I hadn’t asked you guys.”

“Not a problem,” said he Doctor. “That is what being a professional is about.”

We drifted off on other interesting aspects of the business of death, and the comings and goings from Murphy’s. At length, DJ and the Doctor rose and went on to other engagements and I did, too.

It is good to have friends in the business.

Copyright 2011 Vic Socotra
www.vicsocotra.com