So, I was like stunned this morning when I read the paper. No wars, I thought, no health care debate I have about had it with all that, at least this week. But my eyes got all round and filled with wonder as I read the latest.
 
“WTF,” I murmured into my Russian coffee. Another stimulus program? I am not doing this again this morning. I read a little further and saw that an enterprising hacker had penetrated the servers of the University of East Anglia and stolen a vast trove of internet communications exchanged betweenrenowned climate scientists and posted them on the web.  The emails show collusion to fake climate statistics in order to support the argument about global warming.
 
The hard part apparently is that the earth has been growing colder, or something.  Even the Times couldn’t get the story straight. So on the verge of the big climate conference in Copenhagen, everyone is scrambling to explain what they really meant about cooking the statistics.
 
I sighed. What we need is another stimulus program to spark job creation. I think the planet may have bigger issues than us at the moment, but that said, I also think that we are doing our best to scour the precious planet of much that is good. Like seafood.
 
Warming or not, the Bluefin Tuna is toast, metaphorically speaking, if something is not done. Naturally, I scratched that tasty delicacy off the list of things I might buy. But I do have a hankering for something from the sea, once in a while, and despite the clear exploitive labor practices of the industry, I enjoy shrimp as an occasional treat.
 
With everyone starting to panic about what is going on the table this week, I started to think about counterweights to the traditional turkey, and settled on what I may cook as an alternative.
 
I edged into the whole matter with cornbread stuffing, and don’t think you are going to get off easy. But the stuffing edged into the cheese grits with garlic and diced green chilis, and that led precisely to what you can put on the grits. So stand by.
 
Oxymoron Jumbo Shrimp
 
Ingredients
 
    * 20 strips bacon
    * 20 jumbo shrimp. The little rascals should weigh a about a pound and a quarter, and get ‘em at the Maine Ave Fish Market at the DC waterfront, where they are trucked in to the boats.
    * 1 1/2 teaspoons New Orleans spice rub
    * 1/4 cup olive oil
    * 1 recipe Suzie’s Garlic Cheese Grits (recipe to follow)
 
Directions
 
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Know your oven. They are not to be trusted.
 
Trim the bacon strips so that they are regular and predictable in size. Cut an inch or two off of each strip. You can fry them up and crumble for use in salads or to make that crappy store-bought soup a little more zesty. I prefer the cracked black pepper bacon from Canales in the Eastern Market, but do what you want. You will anyway. Place the trimmed strips of bacon on a cookie sheet and bake until the bacon is slightly pink and some of the fat has been rendered, or about five or six minutes. You want it to be flexible, you know, since you will be rolling it up like a fat doobie. This works as the basic wrap for scallops, too, if you have an inclination. You can get nice fresh ones down at the Maine Avenue fish market and the place is trippy, with the vendors on the barges. At low tide they are several feet blow and looking up the skirts of the lady customers who are not hip to the arrangement or maybe they are. While the bacon is cooking, peel the shrimp, leaving the tails attached. De-vein that pesky thing on the back that reminds you these were once twitching living beings and slide back in the reefer until ready to pounce.
 
Remove the pan from the oven and allow the bacon to cool. Once the bacon is cool enough to handle, season the shrimp with some New Orleans spices- there are plenty on the market, including one by that strange little Emeril fellow that he sells as “Essence,” but you can make your own easily enough by combining paprika, sea (or Kosher) salt, garlic powder, cracked black pepper, cayenne, oregano and thyme. It gives you a sense of accomplishment that the day job probably doesn’t to have a tall canister of it handy.
It is a fun project for a day when the government customer isn’t screaming at you or the holidays aren’t bearing down like a Sumitomo Dumptruck with three green lights on the top of the cab.
 
Wrap the mostly-cooked bacon around each shrimp, slightly overlapping the end to accommodate shrinkage. Set aside in neat rows on a Viva-brand paper towel, and repeat until all the shrimp are cloaked in bacon.
 
Grab your trusty Swiss Diamond 12-inch sauté pan over medium heat, gas is best, sorry if you don’t have it and add the olive oil to the pan. Once the oil is hot, but not smoking, lay the shrimp in the pan and cook for a couple minutes, or until you can peek at the bottom side and see a rich deep color. Turn the batch over and cook the other side until it is rich and wonderful.
 
Serve the shrimp over the top of Suzy’s Garlic Cheese Grits with diced green chilis.
 
Or not. I suppose you could stuff the turkey with them and some cornbread, or just eat them off the plate and watch the Lions get pummeled (again).
 
But I have things I have to get to, along with the stimulus, the wars and the healthcare thing will have to wait until tomorrow.
 
Copyright 2009 Vic Socotra
www.vicsocotra.com
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