I have a two-day conference downtown, starting bright and early, and will not be able to devote the same meticulous care in crafting The Daily as I do normally: scarfing down caffeine, finishing the dregs of last night’s nightcap, vaping away in the unearthly glow of the flat screen in front of me. You think it is easy thinking up all these typos? Suffice it to say, there will be plenty of important matters to continue to ignore, so I believe I am leaving you in good hands.

Without delving into the sordid mire of the Endless Campaign, I have decided the two major parties should consider changing their names. Both brands appear to have been hopelessly tarnished; damaged goods. It is time to move and put all that behind us. It is all very curious. The Russians- or somebody- has revealed the inner working of the national committee of one of them, and the other is led by- well, you know.

I would propose a couple that might resonate with prospective voters- at least the ones who are actually alive. Getting into the spirit of things, I think we all could come up with a couple fo them. From my perspective, the “Knaves” and “Buffoon” parties would let us hold our heads up a little higher by knowing exactly what to expect when we cast our ballots, unless Mr. Putin’s people have hacked the voting machines.

I checked for potential copyright problems, which are always a hazard in the trade. I was pleased to discover that both are completely available, and have no existing encumbrances. “Knaves” is kinda quaint sounding, like “Unhand the Fair Maiden, you knave!” I like the cadence, and it reminds me to use the word “Varlet” more often.

The word has had its ups and down, of course. In the case of “Knave,” the popularity spiked around the time of the Jackson Presidency, but I am gratified that there has been a slight resurgence in usage since around 2008.

In the case of the etymology of the term “buffoon,” the lineage is relatively clear, and derived from the Italian word “Buffo,” or Giant Frog. Sorry, just kidding. In Medieval Latin, it referred to a person in the “clown trade,” and there were apparently a lot more of them around at the beginning of the 19th century, current evidence to the contrary notwithstanding.

Who would have thought we would wind up with choices like this! And what is Mr. Putin thinking, anyway? I imagine the October Surprise we are going to have to ignore will be a doozy. Anyway, I have got to get rolling, and just wanted to see what you thought about who is going to be running the country for at least the next four years. You can assign the terms to anyone you wish, but I think it is crystal clear that they are perfectly good words, and probably under the authority of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.

You might have some terms you would prefer to use yourself. For the exercise, consider a term that means the direct opposite of what it seems to, like all the legislation that has been passed recently.

I’ll be talking to you as I can over the next couple days, while distinguished speakers tell us about the state of things in the wide world, and what, precisely, we are going to do about it. I will let you know what words describe them best once I hear them.

Copyright 2016 Vic Socotra
www.vicsocotra.com