11 December 2020

Editor’s Note: This morning’s wake up review of the email traffic reflected the stark divide abroad in the land. When still in government service, I worked issues similar the ones we are arguing about in this last election. It was about molding elections in other countries to outcomes we preferred. Our activity was sanctioned by Executive Order. Seeing the same sort of stuff here at home is surprising, but not unexpected. We are in the midst of a basic constitutional scrap now before the Supreme Court. We will see how the Justices decide to play this one. I suspect they will try to avoid making the Court the focus of the decision after the tumult involving the last two confirmations. That could mean all sorts of things, like throwing the election into the House of Representatives for more fun. The next three days will hold even more surprising things. If you think this is all wild coincidence, the plague, the election and all the rest, you have not been watching. This is spectacular!

Meanwhile, Marlow contributes a sober view about sports and judging. That is much more relevant to our current circus than anything else!

– Vic

Author’s Note: Much as I love to watch sports and politics, the recent announcement of a new Olympic sport got me thinking.

– Marlow

Ballroom Dancing and Synchronized Swimming

Ballroom dancing and synchronized swimming becoming Olympic events made my stomach burble. Ergo, ‘break dancing as sport,’ let alone an Olympic sport blows my gaskets with hanging-chad questions besieging me:
Will there be rules and officiating on how big and loud contestants’ boomboxes can be?
Will gangsta rap be allowed? Or will the tunes be limited to white bread and mayonnaise music?
Clothing and spinning enhancement materials/substance rules?
This all leads me to ask what a true sport is.

Here’ s my initial checklist:

1. It requires physical talent, not just exertion. Sorry, chess is out. Billiards, too.

2. It may involve officiating, but not judging — there’s a big difference between applying rules of competition and judging the merits of the performance. If a Russian judge can score something way lower than everyone else, it’s not a sport, It’s a beauty contest or pageant

3. It requires defense, involving an opponent seeking to directly and physically prevent you from accomplishing the outcome of the competition, not just trying to outscore you.

4. Non-human apparatus are permitted but must not be the core of the competition — e.g., baseball bats, vaulting poles or hammers are OK; race cars are not.

5. Exemptions are made for one-on-one competitions inherent to the human nature, like footraces and perhaps swimming and field events. The kind of stuff you did when you were walking to school (who does that anymore?) as a kindergartner with your best friend and he says to you, “Race you to the telephone post!” or “I’ll bet I can throw a rock further than you can!”

A few commonly-made objections, questions and qualifications to the above list:

“This should be a sport because it requires great skill.” Sorry, ballet and origami require great skill . . . but that doesn’t make them sports.

Sorry, but golf isn’t a sport. Nobody is playing defense and even more to the point, the fact that so many of you can fantasize about beating Dustin Johnson or breaking par on the toughest courses in the world means it ain’t a sport. If too many people can do it well, it’s an activity, not a sport. I don’t see any of us lining up to take our cuts against Gerrit Cole or run between the tackles against the Steelers defense, which pretty much makes my point.

On the question of officiating versus judging: I am persuaded that wrestling officials are applying rules of competition rather than judging quality of performance, so it’s in. Boxing is in, but only if it’s to the death or KO. I can’t believe MMA is not against the law.

Yet, I despair that now, it’s inevitable that electric boogaloo league competitions are soon to reappear all across our city parks and squares.

Come at me, bro, if you disagree.

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