A Black Tie Optional invitation to a family wedding looms in my future. I understand the suitable sartorial requirements for such an event. Or I used to.

As a gentleman of leisure (aka retired old dude), my current lifestyle requires nothing more than the occasional wearing of a sport coat. None of my old suits fit nor could they be tailored to fit my new old man contours.

The question then becomes do I buy a new suit for the wedding or rent a tuxedo for the weekend.

This is not a Penthouse Forum set up for a joke about jorts, black jeans or leather chaps.

I am probably way off base, but this BTO inclusion seems to have begun popping up in invitations where no one actually shows up black tie, but everyone shows up in jacket and tie.

Perhaps I should focus on the word optional? But to this former southernmost tropical islander, if a tux is optional, that would imply that so is a Hawaiian shirt and flip-flops. Problem solved? Not if I want to see my next birthday.

A tuxedo shirt is probably out and so is the venerable Fantasy Fest body painted tuxedo.

Two non-starters: tux t-shirt (top) and body paint tux (bottom)

Part of me says that no man past prom age should rent a tux. I still have full body jerking epileptic flashbacks to a light blue colored ruffled tux I wore to a 70s wedding in the pre-disco music era. Yet I do not want to be the sole guy who doesn’t show up in a tux. So maybe this BTO thing could be my chance to get my Gatsby on?

W thinks I should purchase a new suit for the event. Her advice and suggestions will likely be heeded. I may try to avoid Joseph A. Bank and actually purchase a black suit retail. While a black suit works for weddings, funerals and all occasions in between, it seems out of line with the raconteur and bon vivant vibe I’ve been going for.

One of my friends has suggested that I rent a tux and a Lamborghini, buy W a Chanel gown and then show up and own the reception. I digress . . .

But a black Italian wool Hugo Boss suit and a rental Lambo with a tux paint job — a most worthy suitable compromise…

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