Here in the Old Dominion we have early voting, something that does not happen in the morning, but rather up to 45 days prior to the General Election we can sashay into the local registrar’s office and cast our ballot if we meet one or more of seventeen official excuses.

In Virginia, you may apply for an absentee ballot and vote early if you’re:

• Not in your county or city on Election Day, Nov 8, because of work, vacation, or personal reasons
• A member of US Armed Forces or the spouse or dependent of a member and won’t be in your county or city on Election Day
• A student or the spouse of a student attending school outside your county or city on Election Day.
• Disabled, sick, or pregnant
• In jail on Nov 5 or later either 1) awaiting trial or 2) for a misdemeanor conviction
• A member of an electoral board, registrar, officer of election, or custodian of voting equipment
• Primarily responsible for taking care of a sick or disabled family member confined at home
• Under a religious obligation
• Working a required shift of 11 or more hours during the time your voting location is open
• A law-enforcement officer, firefighter, volunteer firefighter, search and rescue personnel, or emergency medical services personnel
• An official partisan poll watcher
• Temporarily living outside of US
• Temporarily living outside the US for work or the spouse or dependent living outside the US with employee
• No longer a resident of Virginia but moved less than 30 days before the presidential election and are requesting a ballot to vote for President and Vice President only.

You can see that the rules are flexible enough that you could drive a truck through them, and I do, regularly. I am not planning on being in jail on Nov. 5th or later, and am not currently anticipating awaiting trial for a misdemeanor. I decided to go with the “I have to be working up in Arlington that day, so won’t be able to make the polls in Culpeper where I am registered, having tired of the candidates available to vote against in Blue Arlington, deepest-hued of the blue counties that have turned Virginia purple, much to the dismay of people who thought they actually lived in the South.

Anyway, it was Monday, I was at the farm, there are 36 days away from the answer to the great question of what we do in the new post-Republic landscape. Some of my pals suggest that it would be an excellent time to not attend gatherings with any overt political orientation, since apparently some of the local officials have been assisting the Feds in taking license plate readers to things like gun shows, just to build a data base of those citizens who think they still have access to the Bill of Rights.

I am prepared to retire and leave town, something that the farm has always been handy as bridge to exiting the grid. I decided that I could not stand the 36 days, and intending to vote only once, decided this was the morning of decision. I drove down to historic East Davis Street downtown and parked across the street from the looming Boyhood Home of one of Lee’s Lieutenants, A.P. Hill.

There is a lot of history to ignore in Culpeper County, but I give it my best shot.

The registrar’s office is where the deed had to be done, and I walked into the brick two-story building at 151 Main St., and walked past the Office of Taxation to the elevator, hoping there would not be a mad-house of activity. The elevator was like the one in the House side of the Capitol; you walk in one side and out the back on arrival.

To my considerable relief, there was no one there in line at the Registrars desk. In fact, I wasn’t sure if there was anyone at all working until Jim Clements bustled up from the back room, and asked if he could be of assistance.

“Sure. I would like to vote in-person absentee,” I said. “My reason is 1C, or in military parlance, One Charlie.”

(Jim Clements processing my One Charlie application for early voting in Culpeper).

Jim had made some minor news when he joined the County staff as assistant registrar five years ago and overhauled the local voter registration website to make it more user-friendly. He has a reputation as being tech-savvy and a policy wonk, and is expected to move up in the hierarchy when the time comes.

As General Registrar, Jim directs, plans and organizes voter registration and election administration. Specifically, he has to maintain an accurate voter registration list, make proper election preparations, plan and implement technology in the voting process. It is a big and important job, which is, I suppose, why the Department of Homeland Security is suggesting that they be placed in charge of elections, since they are part of the national infrastructure.

If it is OK, I would prefer to kind of keep our business at the County the province of Jim Clements, who we can always fire if we get pissed off enough at his performance. That has not been my experience with the Feds.

Ask yourself this: do you even know the Registrar in your county? I love it in the country. We only have 29,000 registered voters down in Culpeper, though that might increase due to the number of meth labs that are run out in the hills and the fact that Governor McAuliffe just restored the franchise to all Virginia felons who have completed their terms. I am not convinced that was a great idea, but if that builds the Governor’s key constituency, more power to him.

James handed me over a sheet requesting my address, contact information, and reason for early voting. I filled it out after displaying my picture ID, another thing I don’t mind doing in the slightest. I figure if they want photo identification to cash a check, buy booze or cigarettes, why not the vote? I think the fate of the nation can handle a little scrutiny, particularly after that sneaky little shit down in Harrisonburg tried to register 19 recently deceased citizens of that picturesque college town for this coming General Election.

When I handed the sheet back to Jim, he left the office by the glass door to the side and directed me down the hall to an office that had four electronic voting machines set up. He pointed me toward the second one in the row. “I like to mix them up so I know they all work,” he said primly, and I had to agree with him.

Now that I was at the moment of truth, the magnitude of all the activities and blather we have had to endure over the last 14 months of this endless campaign. The machine told me it was ready if I was, and I obediently tapped on the screen to get my first of only four choices I would be offered on four screens.

The first one featured four slates of names. I picked on, pressed on the screen and it placed a red “X” next to the two names. I hit “next,” and was offered a choice between two candidates for Congress, one each from the usual suspects without Libertarians or Greenies. I made my red X, and the last bit of business were two amendments to the state Constitution. Neither were particularly interesting, and I had paid no attention to the fact that they were actually on the General Election ballot. I voted yes to both of them, hoping that the words meant what I thought they did about ‘right to work,’ but fully aware that almost everything in law actually means the opposite of what the title says it does. The other was whether spouses of deceased first responders and disabled military personnel should be granted property tax relief. Hell, yes!

Jim was hovering a bit as I looked at the summary screen. My choices all fit my mood, and I walked back to the hallway, thanking Jim for his service and walked to the elevator.

The whole thing had taken maybe eight minutes. I was whistling as I walked out of the building toward the Panzer, and the road back to Blue Arlington.

There may be 36 days left until Election Day, but I no longer have to even think about it, October surprise or not.

I feel really good. And I am so over the campaigns. But I did my duty. I voted.

Make sure you do, too. It is what citizens are supposed to do. But I also recall the words of Mark Twain, who is said by some to have uttered these words about elections: “If voting made any difference, they wouldn’t let us do it.”

But screw it. Vote.

Copyright 2016 Vic Socotra
www.vicsocotra.com