I thought it was sort of cute when I first read about it, but thankfully I caught myself. It is Dartmouth, after all, one of the bastions of academic integrity and expensive enough to be smug about it. Still, the wanton act of naked micro-aggression could not go unpunished.

Meaning no disparagement of those who prefer not to wear clothing, or are otherwise engaged in immodest or promiscuous behavior, since that is completely in the eye of the beholder and should be respected, unless it is not.

You are aware of this disturbing trend in which privileged groups- or ones allegedly privileged, since they are directly disenfranchised by that self-same privilege by the disadvantaged, who are curiously empowered in their disadvantagement- may say or do something that might be completely innocent, but which constitutes a direct micro-threat to someone who might be offended if they brooded about it endlessly. It is insidious, this thinking and perceiving thing, and must be ruthlessly scourged.

Despite it being a First Amendment right, free speech has to be restricted to avoid offending anyone at any time. There is a lot of that going around these days- I forget which Amendment protects citizens from unintended offense- the 54th? But thank God- if I can say that without offending you, and if I do, I apologize profusely in advance, not wanting to force patriarchal concepts on anyone- they nipped this one in the bud.

If I can say that. It is perilous territory out there these days.

Anyway, Phi Delta Alpha and Alpha Phi moved decisively to cancel a social fund-raising event they called “Phi-Esta,” which had been scheduled for the 5th of May. Apparently there is a holiday called “Cinco de Mayo” that is celebrated in a respected, self-affirmed and sovereign nation somewhere in this hemisphere that happens the same day. Sometimes with actual alcoholic beverages, meaning no disrespect to the Irish, who have their own day, but don’t seem to mind.

Apparently the offensive word-play occurred when the Greek Letter ‘phi’ (I made a call to the Embassy of Greece to see if there were any objections to the use of their letter but as of press time have not had a response, by which I do not mean to imply that the staff is anything but hard-working and highly professional).

What is more troubling is that ‘phi’ is the basis for the Golden Ratio, Section or Mean, which was known to the ancient Greeks as the “dividing line in the extreme and mean ratio of 1.618,” not that there is anything wrong with being old and ethnic, though the mean and extreme thing should be noted and castigated along with anything that smacks of bullying, cyber or not.

In the Renaissance, artists used the term as “The divine proportion,” but I am staying away from that, based on the quasi-religious allusion and the highly inappropriate notion that one number is better than any other.

Adding ‘esta’ as a suffix completed the offensive term, which according to detailed research by our fact-checkers is revealed to be a word meaning ‘to be’ in a major Romance language, by which I certainly imply nothing inappropriate in relationship terms, or anything inter-personal, for that matter, begging your pardon.

Phi Delta Alpha president Taylor Cathcart and Alpha Pi president Courtney Wong were overcome with remorse when the anonymous offended people made their concerns known to the Dartmouth Administration. They immediately dropped the idea, moved the fund raising on-line and raised $5,000 bucks for a local hospital.

They denied that they had tried to come up with a clever play on words that invoked the word ‘fiesta’ which previously had been non-controversial, but clearly deconstructed was a dog whistle of disguised hate speech. The idea that the Greeks- not meaning the Greek per se, the fake ones, I mean, not that being proud of an ethnic heritage you don’t have is wrong- who thought it might be funny to couple it with a Mexican-themed party that would have featured non-alcoholic tropical drinks and “globally inspired” burritos.

I have no idea what that last part means. I mean, are they round? And by that, naturally, I mean no disrespect to basketballs.

Copyright 2014 Vic Socotra
www.vicsocotra.com
Twitter: @jayare303