(Buck up. The snow has stopped falling. Have some Noodle Chili. You will feel better).

It is a different world out there today. Some of the drifts have piled up on top of the plowed snow, and stretch flat and level across the tops of the cars that were not dug out after Round One of the great blizzard to the top of the hedges on the embankment at what was the edge of the Big Pink parking lot.
 
Everything is a lot smaller now, and I don’t imagine they will find that guy who poached what had been a shoveled-out parking place until the drifts melt in the Spring. Chicago rules, you know?
 
They have closed the government again, fifth day in a row, if you count the truncated day last Friday, and this is a record I hope I never see again. The snow accumulation totals have obliterated the previous records that had stood since the winter of 1898-99. They only started keeping records in 1880 with any consistency, so I am reluctant to draw any conclusions from this.
 
But since we normally only get a little over fifteen inches in an average year you can see why we are frankly paralyzed.
 
There was no reason to wake early today, but the radio came on at the usual time anyway out of habit. Charlie chose yesterday to pass away, but he had the good sense to do it back in East Texas where it is warm. There is plenty about Good Time Charlie Wilson on the news, since he was the real Man Who Would Be King in Afghanistan. Some argue that he made a major contribution to bringing down the rest of the creaking edifice of the USSR, too.
 
The way things are going at the moment could indicate that Afghan adventures marked the dramatic transformation of both contenders in the Cold War, but maybe that feeling is the just the effect of advanced cabin fever.
 
I had a chance to meet Charlie the January before last, down at the National Press Club. He was everything they say about him: tall, good looking, and more than a bit of a rascal.
 
They don’t make politicians like that anymore. Too bad.
 
There may be a chance to get out later and re-stock the larder. We will see about that, but I stood in front of the cupboards and the fridge surveying my options. Most of the fresh stuff is long gone, and I am hovering on the edge of the War Reserve food supply.
 
I’ll give you two options today: the real way and the Post-Snowmageddon version.
 
I looked in Jinny’s tried-and-true recipes to see if there was anything that matched up what I had in hand. I found one that was labeled as one of her mother’s favorites. That is appropriate, since that would place it’s popularity at just about a century ago, when the snows were deep and home refrigeration was still provided mostly by ice. Jinny says it was always one of her favorite meals, comfort food that linked her back to the farm country of eastern Ohio.
 
It is funny about the passing of time. Some famous names are lost to history- I suspect Duncan Hines is headed that way, since I haven’t seen him around lately, and I don’t know about Betty Crocker. Her very name was originally invented as a means to humanize the answers to letters written to General Mills. I have a mental picture of the General, though I am sure he never existed. Betty went on to write cookbooks and her picture through the years tells you a lot.
 

(The Official Betty Crocker Portrait List. Photo Courtesy General Mills)

You will note that the last official portrait was in 1986, and there is no vulnerability in that confident gaze. That Betty wore a red power-suit and could do it all. She was ready to kick some butt. If she is still around, I bet she has had a face and boob-job and is a lot hotter.
 
In Crocker vein, “Mary Dunbar” was the name invented for the director of the Jewel Homemakers’ Institute, organized in 1924 as the test kitchen for the Jewel Tea conglomerate. Mrs. Mary Hartson was the Director, and her maiden name was Dunbar, so there is actually a real person at the heart of the cookbooks.
 
She only lasted two years, and another Mary Dunbar (Mrs. Leone Carroll) assumed directorship, and stayed for seventeen years. She presided on the very first Mary Dunbar Cookbook, which route salesmen personally delivered gratis to Jewel customers like Jinny’s Mom. The cookbook was reprinted several times, the last of which was in the war year of 1943.
 
Jinny recalls the Jewel salesman coming to the house in Medina, handing out the cookbook and explaining the exciting new product offerings from the Tea Company.
 
There was no need to publish any more, not with rationing and the good stuff going to the troops or the Black Market.
 
Jinny brought a bunch of wartime recipe books with her on the trip to bury Rex- it was fascinating to read about an America that had to scrimp on anything at all, the least of which was food. Maybe the time is coming again.
 
Anyway, this recipe is from the last edition of the Dunbar cookbook. While you are cooking you may want to have a glass or two of Chianti, or do what I do, which is tap the vodka. For the real post-attack version, I will also have to include the recipe for home-made alcohol, which is what raisins are actually for, but that is a matter for another day. There is still plenty of vodka and no snow predicted for nearly four days.
 
Noodle Chili

1 pound ground round of beef
1 large Bermuda onion
4 ripe tomatoes (or ½ of a #2 can- ten ounces. This is an archaic measurement. A No. 2 can is about 2 1/2 cups, or 20 ounces).
2 cups canned kidney beans (or soak dry ones overnight if you are green)
½ teaspoon sugar
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon chili powder
2 cups cooked Jewel Noodles (oh, hell, use what you want. Mary Dunbar was killed by the War Production Board)
 
Brown the beef quickly in a tablespoon of hot fat in a heavy skillet (cast iron or Swiss Diamond). Add the Bermuda onion, sliced crosswise a quarter of an inch thick. Stir in tomatoes, peeled and chopped if fresh ones are used. Add the beans and noodles with a cupful of the water in which they were boiled, then sugar, salt and chili powder. Cover closely and simmer an hour to give the seasoning a chance to penetrate.
 
Set the timer, since if you started drinking at the beginning you might not remember when it is done.
 
Options not in the original: Fresh chopped Vidalia onions, grated cheddar cheese, sour cream as garnish
 
Post Attack Options: when you have been pinned down by massive amounts of snow or other weapons of mass destruction, use emergency bottled water (or crank some up from the well) and combine:
 
3 c. cooked noodles
1 med. can prepared chili with beans
Salt and pepper
Cook noodles until tender. Open can of chili. Dump it on top of the noodles. Simmer until hot.
Top with Cheddar cheese, if any has survived.
 
Copyright 2010 Vic Socotra
www.vicsocotra.com
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